far too often I complain about life; about how people could be a total bitch, about how first impressions are all bullshit, about how selfish some people could be. far too often I imagine myself to be completely selfless when in fact, I'd always, maybe most of the time I'd choose a decision that would favor myself. life is ironic really; you gotta feel the pain to really appreciate happiness. you gotta feel the absence to really appreciate presence. I guess life really works that way. I've matured at one point, somewhere somehow.
I keep reminding myself to notice kindness, to love more, to hate less, to count blessings instead of dwelling on bad things— but I wonder why do I keep failing to do so? just exactly what went wrong? I wonder.
what is this heartache? am I being too sensitive? or is it the world is just too harsh for a delicate soul like me? maybe that's why I keep getting hurt; by words, unspoken words, judgemental glares, indifferent actions, killing silences.
I'm a coward living in a judgemental world.
yes, I'm scared of being judge. I'm scared of what other people might think eventhough I know very well that they don't do it very often, still.
I faked laughs, smiles.
just because I know other people do just the same.
now that I think of it, I'm really living in the flow. wait, maybe this flow is too fast for me—I'm drowning.
pardon me. I'm such an awkward blogger.